How You Define Success Might Be Holding You Back

What if success isn’t what you’ve always believed?

So many of us chase success without ever asking what it truly means. Is it the fancy car? The beachfront home? Or something deeper?

In this episode, you'll learn how to embrace progress and define success in a way that feels true to you—not what society expects.

Watch or read below and let’s grow together!

What is success?

It’s a fundamental question that often goes unexamined, even as individuals dedicate years of effort toward achieving it. Many chase the idea of success based on external expectations or popular narratives, without ever stopping to define it for themselves. In a recent episode of Let’s Grow Together, this question is explored in depth—highlighting how personal fulfillment, growth, and progress may be more meaningful markers than material gain.

The Challenge of Defining Success

It is common for individuals to pursue success without a clear definition of what it means to them. For some, success has been defined by general happiness—such as being happy the majority of the time. However, over time, this definition can feel incomplete or even misleading, especially given that happiness is often fleeting and influenced by external factors.

The Illusion of Social Media Success

Social media has amplified the perception that success is tied to wealth, status, and aesthetics. Images of luxury cars, expensive homes, and curated lifestyles are frequently mistaken for evidence of a fulfilling life. But appearances can be deceptive. Even individuals who seemingly “have it all” may be struggling behind the scenes. The examples of public figures like Robin Williams and Anthony Bourdain serve as stark reminders that fame and fortune do not always equate to emotional or psychological well-being.

When Achieving Goals Isn't Enough

Setting and achieving goals can bring a sense of accomplishment, but not always lasting satisfaction. One story shared in the discussion involves achieving a long-term goal of moving to the beach. Despite years of writing down and visualizing this dream, achieving it did not bring the expected fulfillment. This illustrates a key insight: the journey toward a goal must be connected to a deeper purpose or vision for lasting impact.

The "Rule of Seven" and the Endless Pursuit

A concept referenced in the episode—originally from author Mark Manson—is the “Rule of Seven.” Many people rate their life satisfaction at a seven out of ten and believe acquiring something new (a house, promotion, or business milestone) will push that rating to a ten. But even after achieving that milestone, satisfaction often returns to seven. This cycle of striving for “the next thing” can lead to burnout or disappointment unless the underlying definition of success is reconsidered.

Distinguishing Fulfillment from Happiness

Understanding the difference between happiness and fulfillment is essential. Happiness is short-term and often fluctuates with circumstances. Fulfillment, on the other hand, stems from engaging in meaningful activities that align with personal values and purpose. Focusing on fulfillment allows for a more grounded, consistent experience of satisfaction, regardless of external changes.

The Value of Progress Over Perfection

The pressure to be perfect can obscure personal growth. Many individuals find themselves focusing on how far they still have to go, rather than reflecting on how far they’ve come. Taking the time to acknowledge personal progress over the years—such as comparing current achievements to a past version of oneself—can foster gratitude and a healthier sense of success.

The Rocking Chair Test: A Long-Term Perspective

One thought exercise introduced in the episode is the “Rocking Chair Test.” This concept involves imagining oneself later in life, sitting in a rocking chair and looking back on life’s choices. The question becomes: will there be any regrets? This perspective encourages a more intentional approach to daily decisions—focusing on actions that will lead to a fulfilling, regret-free life.

Crafting a Personal Definition of Success

Success is often defined by societal expectations: a steady job, a home, a family. But these are just one version. True success is personal, and its definition should reflect individual values, aspirations, and circumstances. Instead of aligning success with fixed goals, an alternative approach is to align it with continuous growth. Questions like “Am I better than I was yesterday?” or “Am I learning and improving?” may serve as more meaningful benchmarks.

Final Thoughts

Success is not a one-size-fits-all concept. It evolves over time and varies from person to person. By shifting the focus from material outcomes to fulfillment, progress, and personal growth, a more sustainable and satisfying version of success can emerge.

When success is measured not by what is acquired, but by how one grows, contributes, and evolves, it becomes a journey—one built on meaning rather than milestones.

This perspective encourages a deeper, more thoughtful understanding of what it means to truly succeed.